The world recently lost a towering icon of liberation with the passing of Gloria Steinem. As a feminist counselor who has dedicated nearly 30 years to empowering women, her loss hits close to home. It takes me back to graduate school, sitting in a classroom. My incredible professor and mentor, Dr. Patricia Robertson, introduced me to a word that felt like a massive, collective exhale: Feminism. Finally, I had a word and a framework that validated everything I had instinctively observed and felt since childhood.
Patriarchy Removes Our Power; Feminism Can Restore it
Sexist Religious Rules
I felt the sting of gender inequality early on. Growing up in a very traditional Catholic home, at eight years old, I wanted to be an altar server. The church explicitly told me no simply because I was a girl. (And that was the beginning of my disillusionment with the church and with organized religions, but that’s a topic for another blog!)
Hardball Patriarchy in Softball
I loved playing sports, especially softball. Both girls and boys’ teams did equal amounts of fundraising…selling those delicious chocolate bars. The ones that almost immediately melted in the July heat as I trudged door to door decked out in my full uniform and hat…sweat dripping down my face and back the whole time! And with the fundraising proceeds, the boys’ baseball team got brand-new uniforms, well-maintained baseball diamonds and paid umpires. The girls’ teams? We got dangerous ungraded and unchalked fields, the boys’ hand-me-down uniforms and equipment and volunteer parent umpires. When I asked adults why this discrepancy, the answer was always a dismissive, “That’s just the way it is.”
Schools Perpetuating Rigid Gender Roles
Before opening my private practice, Full Circle Counseling Services in Wisconsin, I worked as a school counselor. And I noticed a heartbreaking, universal pattern across every school I worked in:
- Kindergarten through 3rd Grade: Girls were fiery, confident, and independent. They shot their hands into the air, knew exactly what they thought, and took up space. They had a voice and were not afraid to use it!
- 5th Grade and Beyond: It was as if an internal light switch was suddenly flipped off. As adolescence approached, the boys remained animated and assertive, while the brilliant young girls shrank. They began timidly raising their hands—or staying completely silent—even when they knew the answers. They were a shell of their younger selves. Their voices hushed and their spirit diminished.
- They were already losing their sense of self because rigid gender roles and societal expectations had begun to descend upon them.
Returning to Your True Self with Supportive Feminist Counseling
In one of her final interviews with NPR, Gloria Steinem reflected on a beautiful irony of aging. She noted that when a woman reaches her 60s, she is finally free of the heavy “demands of gender” that clip our wings in adolescence. Steinem beautifully observed that in older age, you “finally get to return to the exact same independent person you were at nine or ten years old—only now, you have your own apartment, you can reach the light switch, and you have your own money to do what you want.”
Sitting at the precipice of 60 myself, I completely understand what Gloria meant. There is an immense, radical freedom in reaching a point where you simply do not care about the male gaze or society’s arbitrary timelines. My sole focus is being my true, authentic self.
But as a therapist, I also think Steinem’s truth is incredibly tragic. Why should women have to wait five decades to get their confidence back?
Men are given societal permission to hold onto their authority and assertiveness from childhood through adulthood. Meanwhile, women are conditioned to demure, adapt, accommodate, and people-please just to feel safe, worthy, and accepted.
Why Feminist Holistic Counseling Matters Now More Than Ever
We are living through a massive systemic backlash. With political shifts and our current administration taking women’s rights away and threatening women’s bodily autonomy, we are seeing a 180-degree free fall back toward harmful, rigid gender roles. It is exhausting, and it takes a heavy toll on our mental health. This is exactly why feminist holistic counseling and independent advocacy are vital. At Full Circle Counseling Services, I don’t treat you like a diagnosis or a “problem to fix.” True healing requires looking at the whole person—mind, body, spirit and societal constructs in your daily environment that are harmful. When we look at mental health through a feminist therapy lens, we recognize that your anxiety, stress, or feelings of being “stuck” aren’t personal failures. They are often normal reactions to living in a discriminatory, highly gendered world that demands you suppress your inner voice.
Reclaim Your Voice, Your Health, and Your Power
So, I write this as a tribute of gratitude. As a salute to Gloria Steinem, to Dr. Patricia Robertson, and to every woman and ally doing the work of advocacy and education. I personally dream of a world, both for my daughter and my son, where the social construct of gender is just a curious and ancient memory.
If you are ready to stop sacrificing your own needs, ready to de-center patriarchal expectations, and reclaim your fierce, self-assured nine-year-old self, know that you don’t have to walk this path alone. If you are looking for a feminist counselor in Wisconsin who understands the deeply connected nature of women’s issues, stress, and empowerment, let’s talk.
