Are you and your partner struggling to truly hear each other?
Do you feel frustrated, misunderstood and invalidated?
Do you keep having the same arguments over and over, without resolution?
So many couples find themselves in this situation, and it’s a common reason they seek couples counseling. At Full Circle Counseling Services, I teach couples active listening. And while the role of the listener is important, the speaker’s role in active listening is a key to stronger relationships.
The Importance of Active Listening
Active listening is more than just hearing words; it’s about fully focusing on your partner, understanding their emotions, and responding with empathy. According to Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks in their book “Conscious Loving”, communication is most transformative when both partners bring full awareness and responsibility to their roles—listener and speaker alike. Research consistently shows that effective communication, including active listening, is a cornerstone of happy and lasting relationships. Studies have shown that couples who practice active listening are more likely to maintain satisfying and stable relationships; The Art of Deep Listening: Lessons from Gottman Therapy.
Here are Some Key Strategies for Becoming a More Intentional Speaker in Your Relationship:
- Speak From the Heart, Not from the Past
Avoid bringing in past grievances unless they are relevant to the current issue. This helps the conversation stay grounded and respectful. - Use “I” Statements
Instead of saying “You never listen,” try “I feel unheard when I talk about something important.” This reduces defensiveness and invites empathy. - Pause and Reflect
Before responding, take a breath. Conscious Loving encourages partners to slow down communication to allow space for deeper truths to emerge. - Be Honest and Transparent
Speak your truth kindly. Honesty helps build trust, especially when paired with compassion.
Additional Practical Tips for Speakers
- Take Responsibility: Acknowledge your part in the communication process.
- Dare to be Vulnerable: Share your feelings and needs openly.
- Practice Patience: Allow your partner time to process and respond.
- Always Be Respectful: Treat your partner with kindness, even when you disagree.
- Stay on Topic: Focus on one topic only. Bringing up too many topics may confuse, derail and escalate the disagreement.
Creating a Safe Space
When both partners are intentional in their roles, it creates a safe and supportive environment where open and honest communication can flourish. This is essential for navigating conflict, building trust, and deepening emotional intimacy. When both partners engage in this balanced process, active listening becomes a tool for healing. According to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, couples who practice structured communication techniques, like intentional speaking and active listening, report higher satisfaction and intimacy over time (source: https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12434). If you and your partner are having trouble creating this safe space, couples counseling can help.
Seeking Support
If you want to improve communication in your relationship, remember that seeking help is a sign of strength. Full Circle Counseling Services offers a range of services to support couples in building stronger connections. If you’ve been searching for “marriage counseling near me” or “couples therapy”, search no more…I’m here to help. Call 920-982-4242 to schedule your session today!
