If you’re feeling disconnected in your primary relationship, you’re not alone. Many of the couples I work with feel distance in their relationship that is now causing problems. Living in the fast-paced, tech-heavy world we now must navigate, we often just need to slow down and remember what and who truly matters in our lives. Here are five simple ways to re-connect in your relationship.
Ritualize leave-taking and coming back together.
Leave-taking and coming back together can be important and intentional rituals in relationships. Replace that quick and automatic peck on the lips with a nice long hug when saying goodbye or hello to your partner. Extended hugs can release oxytocin…the “bonding” hormone that can strengthen the emotional connection to your partner.
Commit to this daily connection exercise.
This is a quick and easy, but powerful way to check in with your partner daily.
- Each person holds one hand palm up and the other palm down; then join hands.
- Your downward palm indicates giving and your upward facing palm indicates receiving.
- Then while holding hands and facing each other, take turns asking each other a simple open-ended question that will help you learn more about your partner. For example, you might say, “Tell me what you are feeling right now.” Or perhaps, “What are you most looking forward to today?” Or even, “What is one thing you’d like me know about you?”
- Questions like this help each of you tune into the moment, reflect on your own feelings and share them with one another.
- Your partner responds with a simple “Thank you for sharing.” No other comments, judgements or responses. This ensures your partner will feel safe and comfortable to continue to share honestly with you.
- End the exercise with a hug. Done daily, you will have a better understanding of who your partner is and how they are changing.
Exercise together.
Exercise boosts mood! In fact, it is thought to work as effectively as anti-depressants. Finding a way to exercise regularly not only boost your physical and mental health but can be a source of being “happy together” when the feel-good endorphins flow for both of you.
Eat meals together without any screens.
Admit it…you are almost always on your phone or watching tv while eating. Don’t worry, it’s not just a “you” problem! It’s a problem for so many, as technology was made to be addictive. Eating used to be a pleasant time and way to connect with family or friends. Reclaim your meal time and eat together with your partner by committing to putting the phones away at the table and turning all screens off.
Choose a new project or hobby to explore together.
Couples can get into routines that turn into ruts. Experiencing a new activity together can add that spark of joy, fun and excitement back into your relationship. First, brainstorm a list of activities, projects or hobbies you’d like to explore together. Then reserve some time on your calendar to try those new activities together.
Remember that you and your partner are growing and changing daily as you navigate life together. Taking time to reconnect in your relationship means learning as much as you can about change and growth within yourself and your partner. Slow down. Take intentional time with your partner. And happy loving!
